Major Problems
I used to hate it when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I would think to myself, “I’m only seven – can I worry about it later?” Unfortunately, the persistence of teachers, parents, and family friends to think ahead soon made it evident that the answer was “no.”
So I constructed a plan.
I figured that adults simply wanted to amuse themselves with the crazy aspirations that kids would come up with, so I set out to find the craziest of them all. And I did.
Whenever adults would ask me what I wanted to be, I would give them a toothy smile and say, “A computer technologist.”
“What is that?” they would always ask, their eyes usually growing wide with interest.
“It’s a person who fixes peoples’ computers and stuff.”
For a few years, it worked. Eventually, I found out what a computer technologist actually does and lost all interest in the job, but for that short period of time, the future was not an issue.
Flash forward to high school – junior year.
I used to hate it when people asked me what I wanted to major in when I got to college. I would think to myself, “I’ll figure it out later – I’ve got plenty of time.” Unfortunately, I was wrong. Junior year wrapped up very quickly and with the start of senior year came worries about college. The fact that I couldn’t see beyond high school made me nervous, and when I’m nervous, I do research. I would spend hours in the library after school doing research on various majors and careers, but none of them seemed to interest me.
So I constructed a plan.
I liked to write, and my mom kept badgering me about being a teacher, so I chose to major in English education. I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it made everyone else happy, so I went with it. Whenever I thought about it, however, I felt trapped, so I tried not to think about it.
Graduation came and went, summer flew by, and soon enough, I found myself throwing all of my possessions into the car for the long drive to Southern. While on the road, I tried to imagine college life. Somewhere between Maryland and Virginia, I opened Pandora’s Box – I thought about life as an English teacher. And I hated it. All of a sudden, I started to feel miserable. The car seemed to get smaller and smaller and I couldn’t sit still. When we pulled over to a Burger King a few minutes later, I hopped out of the car, trying to suppress a panic attack.
It was there and then that I decided that I had to stop focusing on what other people wanted for my life and focus on what I wanted for my life. I spent the rest of the trip doing research on my brother’s phone. By the time we hit Tennessee, I had a whole new plan drawn up.
I knew that I wanted to write, and I knew that there were two majors that allowed for me to work on my writing skills: English (without education) and journalism. Since I couldn’t pick which one I liked better, I chose to major in them both. I still had no idea what exactly I wanted to do, but it felt good to know that I had made the decision for myself.
Just when I thought the battle was over, I found out that people are extremely interested in what career you plan to have when you graduate from college (almost finished, I promise). They wanted to know whether I planned to pursue English or journalism. Soon, I realized that one man cannot have two majors: for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other (Matthew 6:24). So I repeatedly asked God which one He thought I should pursue, but He didn’t answer.
At least, not until yesterday.
I went to Sabbath School for the first time yesterday, and though the teacher didn’t know it, what he had to say ended a lot of my inner conflict.
“I have people in my office all the time saying ‘I don’t know if I want to be a nurse or a doctor!’” he said. “You think God cares whether you want to be a nurse or a doctor?”
I raised an eyebrow, convinced that the man was speaking blasphemy.
“They’re both two good jobs!” he continued.
I lowered my eyebrow and relaxed.
“God respects our power of choosing. You’ve often heard it said that God has a plan for your life, and He does. God has a plan – but he has multiple plans according to what you want to do! If you want to be a nurse – He has a plan! If you want to be a doctor – He has a plan!”
By the end of the day, I had, for the first time since I was seven, let go of every worry that I had about my future career. I realized that the choice was mine and that God would stand by me no matter what my decision was.
So what about you?
I’m pretty sure that I am not the only one who has struggled with the future and those who are trying to control it. I’m also sure that I’m not the only who has asked God to make a decision that I was too afraid to make for myself.
So what are you waiting for? Just stop, take a breath, mute all of the other voices playing in your head, and figure out what it is YOU want to do.
After all… the choice is yours.